But, before you go thinking the world revolves around everyone else, I might remind you that there may be a few other people who want to poke into your personal life, too! I know, you've never thought about that before, that's why I'm here. I'm going to give you a few tips on how to make the most out of your thanksgiving dinner on social media.
1. Find a color scheme and stick with it! (Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat)
Don't be a liar, when you say #NoFilter you really shouldn't use a filter. So, only cook foods that match the color scheme of your table. I'll trust your artistic vision on this one, but if for example, you have a red table cloth and tan carpet, you'll want to cook foods that are brown, dark red, and burnt orange. Just don't burn it too much, you gotta eat it later. You don't want a Thanksgiving table that looks like Jimmy Martin's hat: too many clashing colors crammed into one small space.
2. Arrange all dishes in an aesthetically appropriate order. (Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat)
Think of all the food on your table as a band photo for an album cover. The leader needs to be front and center with all the side dishes back one step and to the sides. Thus, you should place the mashed taters smack in the middle of the table and go in clockwise order the next important foods. Maybe the dressing next, and the turkey, and so on.
3. Choose a catchy squad name for the folks who have gathered. (Facebook/Instagram/Twitter)
Everybody, and I do mean everybody, is sick and tired of reading "Thanksgiving with the fam" or "Enjoying time with those who mean the most". Boring! How much cooler would it be if you could assign "those who mean the most to you" a very epic group name. Then, a simple post like "Happy Thanksgiving from my family and friends" would turn into something like "Happy Thanksgiving from the League of Traveling Turkey Eaters with Airplane Station feat. Jerry Douglas". See? Way cool. I want to know what you've named your squad. Tell me in the comments.
4. Under no circumstances make any posts detailing what you're thankful for. (All of the internet)
There are some things that are just done to the point they have no meaning. Please, please, do not fall victim to any of the classic blunders of the youth these days. The most famous, is "Never play Rocky Top at a bluegrass festival if you're not Bobby Osborne", but only slightly less well known is this: "Never take more than two sentences to tell people what you're thankful for"! Believe me, once you get to the second paragraph, nobody is reading anymore. So just a quick "I'm happy that Paul Brewster still sings with Kentucky Thunder" is plenty.
5. Hashtags before hashbrowns (Facebook/Twitter/Instagram)
The mighty developers of our social medias have given us the power of hashtags. This allows you to find Thanksgiving day posts similar to yours. After you've put a filter on your "no filter" pic, arranged your table, named your gathering family and friends, and passively expressed a mild gratitude toward something, hashtag the daylights out of your post. Anything that made it in the frame, hashtag it. Anything you were thinking of at the time of posting, hashtag it. Re-write your post using each word as it's hashtag. Hashtag #TheRealMarkWimberley so I can see it. Especially if you were wearing my T-shirt.
Alright! You're all set to let your internet friends know exactly how your Thanksgiving went! As soon as you finish that last piece of pumpkin pie (what was that, your third?), you can FINALLY start listening to Christmas music. Good for you for waiting until it was actually time.
Ok, you beautiful people, I probably won't be making another post until next month, so enjoy your Thanksgiving! I'm going to be helping prepare an Instagram-worthy meal at my house with The Epic Eaters of Southern California feat. The Real Mark Wimberley. I'm glad Andy Leftwich made his album a few years ago.
