When I First Met You Down on Lover's Lane...

This post is actually a response post. A blogging friend of mine, Sarah Liz, invited all the blogging dudes she knows to give a list of the top five things to look for in a girl since she did one the other way around. Fair enough.

She knows as well as anybody else that bluegrass song writers have been trying to settle on a top five since the Monroe Brothers recorded their RCA Victor album in 1936.  But I suppose everyone is different in their opinions. Here are my top five:

5. Wears muddy boots.  

"Wow, Mark," you must be thinking, "way to take it to a very shallow level." Maybe you don't understand the significance of muddy boots. An adventurous girl would never wear sandals to go rock hopping in a creek bed, nor would she wear running shoes to go hiking on a mountain. "But, Mark," you complain again, "doesn't having messy boots indicate that she's sloppy and untidy?"  In the first place, I said "muddy" not "messy" and besides,  even if she cleaned her boots regularly, it wouldn't matter if they only got muddy again shortly thereafter. If a girl is adventurous enough to get her boots muddy, she understands how to prepare for the unpredictable and be able to roll with the punches.

4. A Multi-Instrumentalist. 

A girl with the patience to learn how to play several instruments and be able to create music fluidly and interchangeably with each one has the patience to deal with a guy like me, and to properly raise a family. Learning your first instrument is hard. Being able to stay focused on it to master it requires patience. Learning a second, third, fourth, bazillionth instrument builds on your patience. Being married is hard (so I'm told). Marriages often fail when either party loses patience with the other.

3.Great fishing stories. 

"Okay, Mark," you interrupt again, "what's this one for? Memory?"  Let me tell you about fishing, since you obviously don't get my drift here. When you throw your bait into the water, your brain begins to come up with hundreds of reasons why you will not catch anything. Maybe you cast your rod the wrong way, the sun is in your eyes, this isn't "the spot", your bait probably fell off once it hit the water, a turtle stole your hook, etc. But if you don't commit, you will never catch anything. You need to be stronger than what tries to stop you. A girl who has epic fishing stories knows the commitment it takes and the overall strength one must posses to actually be successful and reel in "the big one". In this fast-moving society, young people have trouble sitting in one spot and waiting for something uncertain to happen. Those with great fishing stories do not have this problem.

2. Sings in harmony. 

Many people just want someone to talk to. Sad fact, they get themselves a boyfriend/girlfriend for solely that purpose. True, I may look for a girl who listens to me, but she also should not hesitate to add her own voice. Harmonizers are some of the most well respected in the bluegrass industry. They can blend with literally anyone (maybe with the exception of Bob Dylan, but that's a different post) that needs backing up. A girl who can harmonize knows how to listen, but is not afraid to contribute, to add, to blend her perspective.

1.Can sing the last verse to "Awake My Soul And With the Sun".

"Whoa now, Mark! Aren't we getting a little too specific, here?!?" Thanks for another interruption, again. If a girl can sing the last verse to this specific hymn, I know she's been spending a lot of time in church. When you spend a lot of time in church, you tend to go through the hymnals (please tell me I'm not the only one??). Not only are the lyrics to this song deep, the last verse is where the Doxology comes from. A girl who knows this and can sing this clearly puts God first in her life before all else. 

Now first off, this post by no means indicates that if you posses these allegorical qualities that we're going to hit it off well and end up on the same burial plot when our grandchildren lay us to rest. This is not the magical checklist that makes me fall in love with you. Sorry.

But now let me address the men reading this.

It seems we are especially zealous about making "checklists". It seems we always hang out and say things like:

"Hey bruh, what do you want in a girl?"
"Oh, I'm glad you asked, broham. Here's my official checklist accompanied by a diagram to scale."

Maybe we need to think a little more critically about this whole situation. Have you ever thought past that and wondered what kind of husband you want to be? "Super macho" is a given, I mean besides that. If I expect the future Mrs. to be a good listener, shouldn't I also be a good listener? If I expect the future Mrs. to be patient, should I also put forth the same effort? Should I exhibit the same attitude of strength and commitment? Should I be trying to move closer to God to let Him direct my paths? I think we can agree the answer is yes to all of the above. After all, the future Mrs. and I are going to be living together until death do us part, if not longer.
Let me extend this challenge to all my bros who are single:
Learn to harmonize, don't be afraid to get your boots muddy, and don't leave God when you finally find a girl.

I was a Teenage Guitar Player

I hate to keep beating a dead horse, but I just want to say how thankful I am that I was homeschooled.

"Oh no," you're probably groaning, "more propaganda about the joys of homeschooling."
Not this time.

Some people do, however, complain that homeschooling your children will prohibit them from learning how to talk with strangers and other members of the human race. How did I overcome this "problem"?

I was a musician.

"Ohhh suuure, Mark. That will totally help," you sarcastically think.

But seriously. From a relatively young age, I was standing in front of crowds of people and talking with them and singing to them. In fact, being in front of rank strangers since I was twelve taught me how to deal with people in general.

There was always that one person who asked embarrassing questions like "When are you gonna get married and leave the band?" Yessir, loaded questions were sure a lot of fun.  Especially because a twelve year old is not necessarily the most tactful as far as humor goes. My answer was usually "Thursday."
Then there were real live musicians who recognized that I wasn't the best of guitarists at the time (and some things never change) who would try to coach me to be more musically mature and say things like "I wouldn't kick it off so fast if I were you," to which I would think "Thankfully, you're not me."
Ah yes, my immature youth. Little did I realize how much dealing with the public would teach me as far as life goes.

Nowadays, I'm a grown up. (Stop laughing, I am grown up.) I've learned to answer the questions more seriously. Observe,

"When are you gonna get married and leave the band?"
--Do I have to do all that in that order?
"Why must you play all your songs so fast?"
--I'm trying to stay slim.
"How come your singing is so terrible?"
--You didn't like my Bob Dylan impression?

Let's face it, sometimes, people know better than you. Deal with it. Accept you're wrong. (Owie.)
Sometimes, people don't have a clue what they're talking about. Thank them for caring enough to try and help you anyway.

The bottom line is, people are very unpredictable. As a homeschooled professional musician, I do not fear. I have had experience with them all.

All my Rowdy Friends are Bloggers

For those of you who have been consistently reading my posts (Thanks, Mom!) you may have found yourself searching my words for some deep, greater meaning and focus. You were probably trying to rationalize why a young buck like me with plenty of other responsibilities, would even bother posting his nuggets of wit and wisdom to a public website.

The answer is a simple one.

Ok, full disclosure, there is no answer. In my defense, it doesn't get more simple than being non existent.

But lately, I've noticed a lot of my friends blogging. Their respective focuses range from fan fiction to theology to NASCAR to whimsical storytelling and everything in between. Here's what's cool: They're all fun to read! I read (most) of them all! I can't wait til the next ones are published!

So you probably rationalize "Oh, he does it cause everyone else does it."
Not so, I say to you, not so.

I actually do this because NO ONE does it.
"Hold your horses", you rationalize again, "You just said--"
I know what I said.  I said I have friends who blog about a myriad of topics. But NONE of my friends blog about the bluegrass life (none of my friends argue with imaginary blog readers either).

You could say, it's my niche. Let's face it: I can't begin to give you what the Storymonger gives you. I'm an atrocious novelist.  I can't re-launch The Art of Manliness, because all of my research would refer back to the original Art of Manliness.
But I do know about my Life as a Bluegrass Musician! Oooh I like that title....

So forgetting about the fact that all my friends are doing it, I am contributing to the deep well of Internet wisdom by presenting you with the things I know about!

You're welcome, earth!

So this is to shout out to all my rowdy friends who post blogs either somewhat regularly, very regularly, or just that once before you forgot about it. Thanks for keeping people reading and thinking. Thanks for sharing your experiences, insights, and entertainment with the rest of us.