Bluegrass Breakdown Ep. 4: The Cuckoo

We all know that sometimes, bluegrass lyrics make a little less than a good amount of sense. That's what I'm here for. I will explain the meaning of bluegrass songs verse by verse. Today we visit The Osborne Brothers' The Cuckoo.

Oh, the cuckoo she's a pretty bird
She warbles as she flies
But I never give her water
Till the fourth day of July.

Okay, starting with the chorus: Flying feathered friends you say? Nonsense. "The Cuckoo" is the name of the author's car. He named it that because it makes a delightful "Cuckoo" sound when it drives with a dry radiator. Also it's a 1973 Thunderbird, that's why he calls it a pretty bird. His thirsty bird is noisy, and it would not even start on a hot day like July 4th with an empty radiator. Also Thirsty Bird sounds like a band name. Someone make that happen, please.

It is often that I wonder
Why women love men
And I look back and I wonder
Why men are men.

The first two lines are answered by the next two lines. Why do women waste their time when men really love their precious 1973 Thunderbird that makes really awesome noises?  Because men will be men. Boom. I've just solved the biggest mystery in the history of mysteries.

Gonna build me a castle
On a mountain so high
So then I can see my true love
As she passes by.

Let me set the scene for you. *Phone Rings* "Hello?" "Hi, I'm just in the neighborhood and was gonna stop by and say 'hey'" *Click*. Now you have to run around the house and cram everything in The Closet because company is literally at your doorstep unexpectedly. Sound familiar? The only solution is to build a castle (because it's hard to cross the moat), build it on high ground so you can see people coming for miles and miles.

Jack of Diamonds, Jack of Diamonds
I know you of old
You have robbed my poor pockets
Of silver and the gold.

If you've seen this man, call the authorities immediately. Long blonde hair, no facial hair, blue eyes, pale complexion, last seen holding a sword, last seen wearing a red, yellow, and blue uniform. Alias: Two-Eyed Jack, Two-Faced Jack, and Harold. Wanted for Robbery, and public possession of swords.

There you have it! One of the most confusing bluegrass songs explained. I must admit I had to call my special committee in for a conference in which we spent countless restless hours sifting through lyricist theories like the Warble Fly being referenced as a metaphor for one who is basically a parasite, and the Jack of Diamonds verse being about gambling addictions. My special committee and I worked tirelessly to bring you this completely accurate interpretation. They all are on vacation now.

Is there another song that has confusing lyrics? Let me know! I can explain them to you on the next episode of the Bluegrass Breakdown!

Bluegrass Breakdown Ep. 3: White Dove

We all know that sometimes, bluegrass lyrics make a little less than a good amount of sense. That's what I'm here for. I will explain the meaning of bluegrass songs verse by verse. Today we visit White Dove.

In the deep rolling hills of old Virginia
There's a place that I love so well
Where I spent many days of my childhood
In the cabin where we loved to dwell

So now we've established the author's race: He's Virginian and he's totally okay with that.

   White dove will mourn in sorrow
   The willows will hang their heads
   I'll live my life in sorrow
   Since mother and daddy are dead

Birds you say? Nope. This is an unabashed plug for Dove White Beauty Bar! For softer smoother more radiant looking skin! The reason that it's mourning is because living life in sorrow means waking up in the morning and not feeling like taking a shower. You can imagine how the willow trees will wilt after a while. And it's all mother and daddy's fault!

We were all so happy there together
In our peaceful little mountain home
But the Savior needs angels up in heaven
Now they sing around the great white throne

Again, the author is totally cool with being Virginian. More power to him.
Now, those of you who read your Bible are thinking "this is impossible, no one can read my mind" and the next thing you're thinking is "but people don't become angels when they die! Psalm 8:5; 1 Cor. 6:3; etc.!" Precisely. The lyrics actually mean that there are so many people in Heaven, that the saints-to-angels ratio is lacking on the angels side. And now that I say this out loud, I doubt the Biblical accuracy of that statement also.....

As the years roll by I often wonder
If we will all be together someday
And each night as I wander through the graveyard
Darkness finds me as I kneel to pray

So after all this about how great Virginia is, the author goes and loses his way on a hike or playing PokemonGO or something. He wanders in circles and finds himself at the same graveyard night after night, which incidentally, was not a Pokestop. Wondering if he'll be with all of us again, he prays that he can find the road home. And then the song ends. Talk about a cliff hanger. Allow me to finish the story with my own two verses:

"It was bout a week ago I found the home place,
And I'm as happy as the landlord will allow,
Now that we are back together for the long haul,
I think I'll go take a shower now.

I will use my special White Dove soap Bar,
I'll be cleaner than I ever have been,
And the second I emerge you will notice,
I have smoother softer more radiant skin!"

There you go! A resolve to a cliff hanger song about a man and his love for Virginia! Dove is not a sponsor. Yet.

Is there another song that has confusing lyrics? Let me know! I can explain them to you on the next episode of the Bluegrass Breakdown!

Bluegrass Breakdown Ep. 2: Footprints in the Snow

We all know that sometimes, bluegrass lyrics make a little less than a good amount of sense. That's what I'm here for. I will explain the meaning of bluegrass songs verse by verse. Today we visit Footprints in the Snow.

Now some folks like the summertime when they can walk about
Strolling through the meadow green it's pleasant there's no doubt
But give me the wintertime when the snow is on the ground
For I found her when the snow was on the ground

This has been your daily weather report. In case you were wondering, there are two kinds of people: Pleasant summertime people, and the rest. Also, the author of this song wants you to forget about summer because it has nothing to do with the rest of the song. Psyche!

   I traced her little footprints in the snow
   I found her little footprints in the snow
   I bless that happy day when Nellie lost her way
   For I found her when the snow was on the ground

It takes a bit of doing, but I can gather that the "her" in the first verse is Nellie in the chorus. Notice the order of the verbs in this chorus: 1.) traced 2.) found. So the author actually made the footprints himself, left, came back later and found them. Also, Nellie has a horrific sense of direction, much to the author's amusement. Finally, the last line of the chorus has confused so many vocalists over the years. Was Nellie dead when he found her? Was this the first time he ever saw her and they later fell in love and got married? The following verses explain it better, so this is kinda like foreshadowing.

I dropped in to see her there was a big round moon
Her mother said she just stepped out but would be returning soon
I found her little footprints and I traced them through the snow
I found her when the snow was on the ground

Two key words here: dropped, and moon. The very fact that both are mentioned in the same breath says "falling through the roof" to me. Further, going off the first two lines of the song, it seems to me to be a poorly timed sky-dive proposal. As he drops from the plane, he can't help but notice the big round moon. When he lands on the living room floor (literally came down with the shingles), Nellie's mother was like "What? She ain't even in the house, bruh!" Oh and roll that foreshadowing thing about finding her again.

Now she's up in heaven she's with the angel band
I know I'm going to meet her in that promised land
But every time the snow falls it brings back memories
For I found her when the snow was on the ground

Now it all comes together. Now it makes sense. So remember that foreshadowing thing in every verse and chorus? Here's what it was leading up to. Once upon a time, the author met this girl, Nellie. All was hunky dory until he decided to do a skydiving proposal stunt. Poorly timed and barely planned, he makes the jump at night just after she already left the house (her intentions still unknown and never divulged). He goes outside to look for her, draws footprints in the snow for fun, miraculously finds her that way, but, alas, she's up in Heaven with the Angel Band. Must've died of frostbite, because the author emphasizes there being snow on the ground. And this didn't happen in the summertime, by the way.

And there you have it! That confusing Footprints in the Snow actually makes sense now! You're welcome, earth!

Is there another song that has confusing lyrics? Let me know! I can explain them to you on the next episode of the Bluegrass Breakdown!

Bluegrass Breakdown Ep. 1: Little Maggie

We all know that sometimes, bluegrass lyrics make a little less than a good amount of sense. That's what I'm here for. I will explain the meaning of bluegrass songs verse by verse. Today we visit Little Maggie.

Oh yonder stands little Maggie
With a dram glass in her hands
She's drinking away her troubles
She's a courting some other man

If you are under the impression that Little Maggie is an alcoholic, think again. "Dram" is a unit of measurement and the lyrics describe her as "drinking away her troubles", therefore, she is actually a pharmacist who has prescribed herself the perfect remedy for whatever it is that's ailing her. And she's also on eHarmony apparently.

Oh how can I ever stand it
Just to see them two blue eyes
A shining in the moonlight
Like two diamonds in the sky

The author of the song can't stand going to see his pharmacist at night. All you can see are her eyes, and obviously, no one can read the prescription in the dark. How can one stand that? Could be dangerous.

Last time I saw little Maggie
She was sitting on the banks of the sea
With a forty-four around her
And a banjo on her knee

By coincidence, the author ran into his pharmacist when they both were on vacation at the beach. Even on vacation, she is well prepared to defend her little timeshare of sand should she be held up by bandits. She's also very musically inclined. Cool!

Lay down your last gold dollar
Lay down your gold watch and chain
Little Maggie's gonna dance for daddy
Listen to that old banjo ring

Little Maggie is hosting the father-daughter dance fundraiser this year. Every little bit helps. And now it's time for the banjo break.

Pretty flowers were made for blooming
Pretty stars were made to shine
Pretty women were made for loving
Little Maggie was made for mine

This verse is probably most confusing, but I shall explain. Try to keep up:
Just as pretty flowers were made for blooming, etc. Little Maggie was born to be a pharmacist and she is probably the best this town has ever seen. Good job there, Maggie!

And that's about it! Now you can sing "Little Maggie" with the satisfaction of understanding the words! You're welcome.

Is there another song that has confusing lyrics? Let me know! I can explain them to you on the next episode of the Bluegrass Breakdown!