Monday, June 15, 2020

In another universe, I would be....

Have you ever wondered what job you would have if you didn't have the job you have? Have you ever pondered questions you wouldn't ponder if you pondered pondersome questions? Have you grown tired of reading these tiresome sentences? Have you heard of the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?

Well in response the first few questions, I would say yes, I have. (That last one is not a story the Jedi would tell you). If I didn't go to college, what would I be doing now?

Interestingly enough, I might be in many different places. Some of these positions I almost had may surprise you:

1. Sketch Comedian

A few years ago, I auditioned to be a member of a comedy troupe in Utah. I didn't make the cut, but now I have two original comedy sketches saved to my computer and a U-haul full of diet coke jokes.

2. Sportscaster 

When I was in college, I was offered a job to be a sports broadcaster for our University's basketball team. I was totally thrilled, but quickly learned how little I know about basketball. I declined the position.

3. Journalist

For a grand total of a couple weeks, I was a writer for a local politics organization. I attended government events and wrote about them. I was offered a full time job a couple cities over in the private sector and discontinued my services.

4. Filmographer

I was a cameraman for a local public relations firm for one night. They only needed me because their usual cameraman was not available. All I did was point a camera and record. Easy peasy.

5. Actor

I played the role of a suspicious, surly musician in a mock-court once. It was very hard to get into character. What even is the Circle of Fifths? Get off my lawn.

6. Reality Star

I was in the opening credits of America's Got Talent in season 9. Blink and you'll miss me.




Had any one of these positions flourished in any way, my life might look very different. I could've been living in another state, met people I'll never meet, and been just as existential about if I had stayed where I am.

At least, I'm thankful with the closure I have knowing that God only plants me where I am to grow and flourish. Existential or not, this is where I belong until He leads me elsewhere. Who could ask for more?

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

Next chapter

Would you believe the case of writer's block?

A dude like me who always had something funny to say suddenly went quiet for what seems like several years. 

Oh sure, I started drafts. I wrote one liners and messaged them to friends. I even kept writing funny songs. But writing a good ol blog post like my olden days seems like a talent I suddenly lacked. A ready and waiting creative outlet just plum wasted. 

Sometimes I don't recognize that guy who used to write those crazy, hilarious articles. Other times, I feel like him again. But the truth is, I'm a different man. For one, I've had an on-again-off-again relationship with my beard (and I hardly recognize the ever-changing face to shave in the mornings). For another, I've put on 20 pounds, then lost 6 (I used to be so skinny, I'd wear a hat and look like a pair of shoes was flying a kite). My online friends hangout has changed a lot (heyo, Baby Sister, Grasshopper, Greg, and Philip ain't heard from you nor Waltereon). And the biggest news of all:
I found a girl who'll put up with me!  Yes, I've put all my ugly-and-single jokes to rest and have dusted off the stash of ugly-and-taken jokes that I've been stockpiling just for this occasion. Maybe I'll introduce my girlfriend in a future post. She's amazing and deserves more than a small reference in a long paragraph. 

This blog was birthed in the wee hours of a sleepless morning and I see no reason why it can't be revived the same way. I believe this crazy brain has a few more wisecracking remarks to make. 

Are you still interested in reading as I achieve my dreams and strain my imagination? I wanna hear from you. Who's still reading?