In another universe, I would be....

Have you ever wondered what job you would have if you didn't have the job you have? Have you ever pondered questions you wouldn't ponder if you pondered pondersome questions? Have you grown tired of reading these tiresome sentences? Have you heard of the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?

Well in response the first few questions, I would say yes, I have. (That last one is not a story the Jedi would tell you). If I didn't go to college, what would I be doing now?

Interestingly enough, I might be in many different places. Some of these positions I almost had may surprise you:

1. Sketch Comedian

A few years ago, I auditioned to be a member of a comedy troupe in Utah. I didn't make the cut, but now I have two original comedy sketches saved to my computer and a U-haul full of diet coke jokes.

2. Sportscaster 

When I was in college, I was offered a job to be a sports broadcaster for our University's basketball team. I was totally thrilled, but quickly learned how little I know about basketball. I declined the position.

3. Journalist

For a grand total of a couple weeks, I was a writer for a local politics organization. I attended government events and wrote about them. I was offered a full time job a couple cities over in the private sector and discontinued my services.

4. Filmographer

I was a cameraman for a local public relations firm for one night. They only needed me because their usual cameraman was not available. All I did was point a camera and record. Easy peasy.

5. Actor

I played the role of a suspicious, surly musician in a mock-court once. It was very hard to get into character. What even is the Circle of Fifths? Get off my lawn.

6. Reality Star

I was in the opening credits of America's Got Talent in season 9. Blink and you'll miss me.




Had any one of these positions flourished in any way, my life might look very different. I could've been living in another state, met people I'll never meet, and been just as existential about if I had stayed where I am.

At least, I'm thankful with the closure I have knowing that God only plants me where I am to grow and flourish. Existential or not, this is where I belong until He leads me elsewhere. Who could ask for more?

Next chapter

Would you believe the case of writer's block?

A dude like me who always had something funny to say suddenly went quiet for what seems like several years. 

Oh sure, I started drafts. I wrote one liners and messaged them to friends. I even kept writing funny songs. But writing a good ol blog post like my olden days seems like a talent I suddenly lacked. A ready and waiting creative outlet just plum wasted. 

Sometimes I don't recognize that guy who used to write those crazy, hilarious articles. Other times, I feel like him again. But the truth is, I'm a different man. For one, I've had an on-again-off-again relationship with my beard (and I hardly recognize the ever-changing face to shave in the mornings). For another, I've put on 20 pounds, then lost 6 (I used to be so skinny, I'd wear a hat and look like a pair of shoes was flying a kite). My online friends hangout has changed a lot (heyo, Baby Sister, Grasshopper, Greg, and Philip ain't heard from you nor Waltereon). And the biggest news of all:

I found a girl who'll put up with me!  Yes, I've put all my ugly-and-single jokes to rest and have dusted off the stash of ugly-and-taken jokes that I've been stockpiling just for this occasion. Maybe I'll introduce my girlfriend in a future post. She's amazing and deserves more than a small reference in a long paragraph. 

This blog was birthed in the wee hours of a sleepless morning and I see no reason why it can't be revived the same way. I believe this crazy brain has a few more wisecracking remarks to make. 

Are you still interested in reading as I achieve my dreams and strain my imagination? I wanna hear from you. Who's still reading?

It's been awhile...but have I got some news!

Oh, howdy! Are you still there? I admit that its been a quick second since I spoke to y'all last. In fact, this is probably the longest I've gone without blogging since this blog started! Zoinks!

There's actually a really good reason why I haven't been blogging. It involves a camping trip that lead to a Sasquatch sighting in Arkansas which ended up with yours truly coming to blows with ol Squatch. Long story short, the hospital bills were quite shocking, but thankfully my Bigfooted friend has great insurance. Doctor said he'd be his old self by May 2024.

Don't believe me? Ok...would you believe that the reason I've not been blogging is because of all the media attention I got when I discovered Atlantis? It could've happened to anybody, really. I was just sailing the high seas in my trusty ship, The Soggy Biscuit, when suddenly the creatures of the sea told me that I was sailing right over the heads of the Atlantisians who had congregated to celebrate High Tide (their Fourth of July apparently).

Not buying that either, huh?
How about my computer was stomped to pieces by the last living dinosaur while I was exploring the Congo?
Would you believe my girlfriend's dogs ate my blog?
How about I was busy raising four mutant turtles in a sewer pipe and it took me awhile to teach them martial arts?

Eh, why make excuses. Life got in the way. I'm sure you can empathize perhaps a little. Perhaps you can't and I'm just hoping you can. 

But anyway, life is like that. Life is like a river. It rushes along, carrying everything it can pick up in its path. It turns this way, then that way, it goes up and down, turns over on itself, and boats sometimes float on it, and cows drink from it, and I think I've lost my metaphor now...

Well anyway I'm back now. I come bearing gifts! Not only have I been chipmunking many videos that need to be released to my YouTube channel, I have been tirelessly working on another little project you might like.

That's right. A new project I'm SO STOKED to tell you about.

Mark your calendars for October 11th, for that is the day my very first single is going to be released everywhere music streams!

I write funny songs all the time. Sometimes one might make it to my YouTube. But this one is lucky.

My new single is a countrified cautionary tale about the origin of Pumpkin Spice. Many of y'all know my co-writer as the ever-hilarious and wildly talented Pearl Haining from the Branson-based, all-sibling musical ensemble, The Hainings.

Knowing a song of this caliber couldn't just collect dust on the shelf, I called my good friend and full-time Floridian, Dana Philip Emmette, master of the recording studio, Mayor of the City of Groove. He helped me out by recording many of the instruments you'll hear and mixing and mastering the whole project.

My first single, y'all. My comedy-music debut! It actually is happening. Please follow my Facebook page The Real Mark Wimberley for updates on this project as Oct 11 draws near.